


Summer of Secrets

by godessoftrees



Series: Summer of Secrets [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Cutting, Depression, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-04-02
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:32:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/godessoftrees/pseuds/godessoftrees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley bond over their nightmares. But Ginny has a secret. A secret she will fight to keep. WARNING: This story contains self-harm.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This work is completed and will be updated daily.

**Authors Note:** This story is very personal to me as I have been fighting with self-mutilation for five years now. In that aspect, please be gentle because of the nature of this plot. At the same time however, I do appreciate very honest, if brutally so, reviews and any suggestions would be much appreciated.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

**Warnings For This Chapter:** suicide, cutting

**Summer of Secrets**

Prologue

Harry Potter refused to sleep. It was only two weeks into the summer holiday and he'd had a grand total of 56 hours of sleep. It wasn't that he couldn't sleep; he was afraid to.

A scrawny boy of fifteen, nightmares were not new to Harry Potter; the Boy-Who-Lived. After all, how could he have been through all that he had been through and escape nightmare free? No, Harry Potter was definitely no stranger to nightmares. Normally he fared pretty well with them – but this was different. When he did manage to sleep he saw his godfather, Sirius Black, fall through the black veil in the Department of Mysteries over and over again, and try as he might, he could never stop him.

Every night, Harry woke up in a cold sweat screaming. He wished Albus Dumbledore had obtained permission from the Ministry of Magic for him to use magic outside of school before he became of age, so he could perform a Silencing charm at night. Unfortunately, even Dumbledore couldn't make that happen.

This night was no different. Harry tossed and turned in his sleep, trying to escape the memories. Just after Sirius fell through the veil, he awoke screaming, “Sirius, no!”

Fighting to free himself from his tangled mess of bed covers, Harry leaped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. He unsuccessfully attempted to empty his stomach into the toilet. It was no use. He didn't eat. There was nothing in his stomach to empty. In the end, he stood there dry heaving until his stomach settled down enough for him to part from the commode. He splashed his face with cold water and looked at his reflection in the mirror.

Harry was paler than normal. His jet black hair washed him out, making him appear chalk white. His famous lightning bolt scar stood out against his pallid skin more than it ever had before. His eyes were no longer their usual bright emerald; instead they had faded into a dull, lifeless green. Harry Potter no longer looked like himself.

Returning to his dismal bedroom, Harry closed the door behind him and slumped to the ground. He hated being at Number Four Privet Drive, but he knew it was necessary if he was to stay safe from Voldemort. His only comfort was knowing he would leave for the Weasley's the next day.

**H/G**

A little more than a hundred miles away, Ginny Weasley awoke suddenly. She was glad. She had been in the Chamber of Secrets again, only this time Harry Potter came too late. By the time he got there, she was dead and Tom Riddle had risen with the help of the diary that she was foolish enough to pour her young soul into.

Ginny got out of bed and crept down the stairs. She went into the kitchen, filled a glass with water, and sipped on it while pondering her dream. Her nightmares had come back ever since Tom returned one year earlier, and the events in the Department of Mysteries did not make them any better.

Returning to her small bedroom, Ginny closed the door behind her and slumped to the ground. She could not go on like this any longer. All this pain, what was it worth? Was life worth this? Surely she was already a target for Tom after her first year at Hogwarts. What would it matter if she died a little sooner than planned?

This thought floating through her head, Ginny crawled across the floor, reaching her trunk at the foot of her bed. She searched through it until she found the razor she had yet to unpack. She admired the way the moonlight caught the metal blade. It was beautiful. In a sudden moment of anxiety, she drew the blade across her wrist. She wished it was all over. She did not want to live any longer; her sleep constantly plagued with horrifying images. This was the perfect solution. Tom did not need to be bothered with trying to kill her. She would do it for him.

Ginny pulled the razor across her skin again and again, only stopping when she finally felt the pain. Blood bubbled up from the gash, falling from her wrist and onto the floor. It was as if she awoke. What was she doing? She couldn't kill herself! What would that do to her family? Her friends? How much grief would she bring them? She couldn't hurt them like that.

Ginny rushed to the bathroom and grabbed a towel, pressing it hard against the wound. She hissed in pain when the rough material of the towel met her raw skin, but somehow, the pain was soothing. It was a distraction. As long as there was physical pain, there was no mental anguish. Realising this, she pressed harder on the wound, happy to finally have a solution.

Maybe this was not a healthy solution, but it was a solution nevertheless. Ginny knew this would not be the last time she was to be comforted in this way, but she also knew no one could ever find out. This was to be her summer of secrets.


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: cutting, sexual situations
> 
> Disclaimer: I only own the plot. I hope it can be even in the same league as JKR's.

Chapter One

 

_“Kill . . . kill . . . hungry for so long. Time to kill!”_

 

_The huge snake slid towards Ginny. Her mind screamed at her to run but she was paralyzed in fear, and all too soon it was too late to run. The snake opened its ugly mouth, huge teeth dripping with venom, and in one sudden movement it lunged forward and . . ._

 

“No!” The scream shook Ginny out of her sleep, only for her to discover the scream was her own. Her bed was damp with sweat and she felt thoroughly disgusting. She rolled out of bed and changed her night clothes, muttering a quick drying spell as she sat on the edge of the bed.

 

Ginny willed the pain to leave her and the memories to fade away, neither of which was likely to happen. Unless . . .

 

Ginny rose from the bed and found her razor. She looked around, a habit she had developed whenever she knew she was doing something she shouldn't be doing up in her dormitory at Hogwarts, and dragged the blade across her skin. When she was done and the bleeding had subsided, she fell back onto the bed and waited for sleep to claim her. However, five minutes passed and she knew sleep was not going to come. Giving in, she pulled herself out of bed and descended the rickety stairs into the kitchen.

 

**H/G**

 

_Her lips descended on his, claiming his mouth in a delicious way. She tasted of vanilla and honey, which only made him want to kiss her more. She moved her body against his in a very dangerous way, which elicited a very male reaction out of him. He flipped her over and pinned her to the ground, ravaging her mouth with his. He moved to kiss her neck, moving slowly downward until he was rewarded with the sight of her perfect breasts._

 

_“Please, Harry, please,” she pleaded. He was more than willing to comply._

 

“Ugh, dammit!” Harry rolled over and pounded his pillow with his fist. Knowing that sleep was not very likely to return, he reached for his dressing gown and slipped down the stairs and into the kitchen.

 

 _Why do I keep dreaming about her?_ Harry thought to himself.

 

 _Because you like her you dolt,_ his mind replied.

 

 _But she's Ron's little sister!_ Harry protested.

 

 _That doesn't mean she's not a girl,_ his mind pressed on.

 

 _And an attractive one at that,_ Harry thought.

 

“No! No, I don't care how attractive and nice and honest and lovely she is! I can't –”

 

“Talking to yourself again, Harry?” Ginny watched him from the kitchen table, a mug grasped in her hand. “You know that's never a good sign.”

 

Harry's head jerked up only to find the subject of his dreams standing straight in front of him. Not only that, but she was wearing revealing cotton shorts that her mother definitely wouldn't approve of, and a long-sleeved top that clung to her every curve. His dream flashed back to him.

 

“Harry?” Ginny's smile faded. “Are you all right?”

 

He nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, fine.”

 

There was an awkward silence. Ginny tried to think of a way to fill it. “What are you doing up?”

 

“I could ask you the same thing,” Harry replied, not skipping a beat.

 

“Do you want some hot cocoa? I know its summer, but it always helps me sleep.” Ginny reached into a cabinet and pulled out a container filled with cocoa mix.

 

“Sure, sounds great,” Harry replied, nodding.

 

Ginny set about making his cocoa. When she was done she handed Harry a mug with a big 'H' on the front and sat across from him. “Who were you talking about?”

 

“What?” Harry abruptly looked up from his cup.

 

Ginny smirked. “I asked who you were talking about. It's obviously some girl you're keen on. . . .”

 

“I-I don't know what you're talking about,” Harry stammered. He nervously sipped his cocoa.

 

“You've always been a bad liar, Harry.” Ginny flashed him a smile. “If you're not going to tell me that's fine, but I have my ways of finding out.”

 

Harry swallowed hard as he took in her seductive tone of voice.

 

“Are you going to tell me?” Ginny pushed on.

 

Not quite knowing what he was saying, Harry blurted out, “You.”

 

“What?” Ginny became suddenly very serious.

 

“You. I . . . I really like you.” Harry looked deep into her eyes when he spoke.

 

Ginny couldn't believe what she had heard. Surely she had been mistaken. Harry didn't like her. He couldn't.

 

“Ginny? Are you okay?” Harry's eyes were suddenly clouded with concern.

 

“Yeah. I-I'm fine. You . . . you like . . . me?” Ginny questioned, almost not wanting the answer.

 

“Yeah. I do.” Harry reached across the table for her hand. Just as their fingers touched, Ginny drew her hand back. He looked up at her in surprise, and immediately regretted it. Her face was filled with fury, and she strongly resembled her mother in that moment.

 

“How-how dare you!” Ginny dropped her mug on the table.

 

“Wh-” Harry was stunned. He didn't know how he had wanted her to react to his revelation, but this was definitely not it.

 

“No. No! You can't do this! You can't just waltz in here and tell me that you like me after all these years, Harry. You can't do that! I waited for you! I waited and waited and waited and now that you've finally woken up you expect me to jump into your arms and we can live happily ever after? Well that's not about to happen!” Ginny picked up her mug and flung it into the sink where it shattered.

 

“Ginny, I-I I don't want anything like that to happen. Actually, I would be lying if I said I meant that. I do want that, but I didn't expect it!” Harry babbled, taking a step towards her.

 

“Then what did you expect, Harry? Did you expect me to run screaming? Because if you did then surely you wouldn't have sprung this unexpected news on me in the middle of the night.” Ginny stood her ground.

 

“I didn't expect anything, Gin. I didn't even know you were down here.” Harry was closer now. If he had wanted to take her hand again he could.

 

“And if you'd known I was down here would you have come anyway?” Ginny asked, barely whispering.

 

Harry smiled slightly. “I don't know why I wouldn't.”

 

Ginny seemed to visibly relax, so Harry took a chance and pulled her towards him by her wrist.

 

“Ouch!” Ginny exclaimed, turning very red as she realised what had just happened.

 

“Ginny, what's wrong? Did I do something? Did I hurt you?” Harry looked at her in alarm.

 

“I-I have to go.” Ginny ran back up the stairs, cradling her arm, obviously trying to keep it out of view. Against her best efforts, Harry saw the dark stain that hadn't been on her shirt moments earlier.

 


	3. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: none
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the plot.

Chapter Two

 

For the next week Ginny stayed in her room, only venturing out for meals and late night showers. Harry knew she was avoiding him. At mealtimes she seemed cheerful enough, but he had enough empathy to know it was just a front.

 

Following her nightly ritual, Ginny excused herself from the dinner table. After she put her dishes in the sink she kissed her mother and father goodnight, claiming her homework was piling up. Molly and Arthur exchanged a worried glance but didn't voice their opinions.

 

Harry knew Ginny was finished with her homework, even if it was only a few weeks into the summer holiday. Every night for the past week she had worked on it, and he knew there was no way she had been assigned that much homework. Even Professor McGonagall, the stern Transfiguration professor, wouldn't expect the students to actually complete that much homework over break. Harry decided that enough was enough. For the last week she had hid up in her room, and he wasn't going to allow it anymore. She had to come out of her shell. Something was bothering her; he just didn't know what it was.

 

**H/G**

 

Ginny was curled up in her bed reading the latest Muggle romance novel that had arrived by owl post. How she desired to have someone love and appreciate her like Jim loved and appreciated Mary Ann. Of course, hadn't Harry said just last week that he liked her? As quickly as the thought had entered her mind she pushed it away. That was preposterous. Harry Potter lusting after poor little Ginny Weasley? Not likely.

 

Ginny was so engrossed in her novel that she didn't hear the knock on her bedroom door, nor did she see Harry enter the room. It was only when he sat down on her bed that she noticed him. She jumped in surprise and frowned.

 

“Harry! You gave me fright. What are you doing here? Don't you know how to knock?” Ginny scowled.

 

Harry nodded. “I do and I did, but you didn't answer. I assumed you were still avoiding me. I apologise for intruding, but quite frankly I've had enough of this.”

 

“Enough of what?” Ginny marked her page in her book and laid it aside on her night stand.

 

“You've been hiding up here for the past week. I know you're avoiding me. It's quite obvious. You can't keep doing this for long. I know you've completed your homework.” Harry looked at her seriously.

 

“You don't know anything.” Ginny turned away from him angrily.

 

Harry sighed and moved to the other side of the bed so she was facing him. “Why are you doing this? I know something is bothering you. Why won't you tell me? It can't be fixed if you don't get help.”

 

Ginny knew he was right, but at the moment she really didn't care. “Nothing is wrong and nothing is bothering me, thank you very much.” She glared at him. “Now if you will excuse me I'd like to be alone.”

 

Ginny reached for the book on her nightstand but Harry grabbed her hand. “Fine, but at least answer me this. Why haven't you said anything to me about what I said last week? I really like you, Ginny. That isn't the sort of thing a bloke tells you and you don't respond to.” He sighed and withdrew his hand, running it through his hair. “I know you feel the same way. Why don't we go to the village, spend some time together?”

 

“That goes to show what you know. I'm over you, Harry.” Ginny turned away from him again.

 

“Maybe you've fooled yourself with that little white lie, but I know better. I know you.” Harry moved yet again so Ginny was facing him.

 

“You know, I'm turning away from you for a reason,” Ginny scowled.

 

Harry chuckled. “I move for a reason.” He reached for her hand. “I really do want to be with you, Ginny. Why won't you give me a try? Give us a try?”

 

“I can't . . . I can't do that, Harry.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“You'll just break my heart again. I've spent too much time trying to get over you to ruin it all in one moment of weakness. Anyway, all blokes are alike. They always get bored with me and decide I was just a waste of time.” Ginny pulled her hand back.

 

“I'm not like other guys. Surely you of all people would know that,” Harry mumbled.

 

Ginny's eyes widened. “Oh, Harry. I didn't mean it that way.” She sighed. “Look, I'm just going through a lot right now. I don't think entering a relationship would be the best idea.”

 

That was when Ginny noticed Harry staring at her wrist. Self-consciously, she tried to discreetly pull her sleeve down over it. This didn't go unnoticed. He gently grasped her hand and pulled the sleeve back up.

 

“What happened?” Harry gasped when he saw the slash on her wrist. It was clearly infected. The area around it was bright red and inflamed, and the wound itself was covered in a yellow scab.

 

Ginny jerked her hand back and pulled her sleeve back down. “Pig. You know how he is, always so excited. He got a bit carried away the other day.” The lie came easily, and Harry seemed to accept it.

 

“You need to have your mum look at it. It's infected,” Harry said kindly.

 

“I will tomorrow.” Ginny shifted awkwardly on the bed.

 

“I'll leave you alone, but please, just consider it. Just one date. If I fudge it up, I won't pester you again.” Harry stood up.

 

Ginny sighed. “Fine. One date. Tomorrow, we'll go into the village.”

 

Harry's face lit up. “Really? You mean it?”

 

Ginny nodded. “Yes. Now get, I was just at the good part.” She grabbed her book and cracked it open.

 

Harry laughed. “Fine, I'll go. Until tomorrow.”

 

Ginny looked up from her book to glance at him. “Until tomorrow.”


	4. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: None
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Chapter Three

 

It was early in the morning and Ginny was the only one up. She wasn't going out with Harry until eleven o'clock, but she had a lot to do before then. She was hiding in her room, mixing a concealment paste, and by nine o'clock she was done. Ginny decided to take a shower before she applied the paste. She washed her hair quickly and applied a drying charm as soon as she was in her bedroom. It was now nine-thirty. No point in getting ready yet. After applying the concealment paste, Ginny slipped on a dark green vest and a pair of comfortable trousers.

 

The smell of sausage and toast came from the kitchen as Ginny made her way down the stairs. Her mother stood at the table, filling Harry's plate as much as possible. Ginny smiled at the sight. It warmed her heart to know that Harry at least had a mother in her own. She took a seat next to Harry.

 

“Good morning, dear. Would you like some breakfast?” Molly Weasley smiled at her only daughter.

 

Ginny nodded. Molly served her and she ate quickly. She still wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing by going on a date with Harry. She had spent her whole life liking him, but now that he admitted the feelings were mutual, she wasn't so sure that she could risk dating him. If he ever found out that she was intentionally hurting herself. . . .

 

By the time she was finished eating it was ten o'clock, and she had just an hour to get ready. Ginny excused herself from the table as soon as she was done and hurried up the stairs, merely glancing at Harry.

 

Standing at her cupboard, Ginny sighed. What should she wear? After five minutes of contemplation, Ginny chose a brown halter dress with blue flowers. She put the dress on and looked around for shoes. Finally, Ginny found a pair of brown flats and slipped them on. She ran a brush through her waist-length red hair and decided to wear it down. She quickly brushed her teeth and retreated back into her room with one last thing to do. Ginny scooped up another dollop of concealment paste and spread it over her left arm. It hardened on her arm instantly. She sighed. Finished.

 

Harry was standing at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for her. He wore a pair of khaki trousers and a dark blue polo shirt. Ginny would never forget the look in his eyes when he caught sight of her. Harry took in a sharp breath and his eyes widened. It seemed he had forgotten how to breathe. Ginny's dress left little to the imagination. Her long hair curled its way down her back, making her look even prettier.

 

“Breathe, Harry,” Ginny smirked.

 

Harry exhaled. “Wow. You look . . . you look great, Ginny.”

 

Ginny blushed. “Thanks. You do too.”

 

They stood there in an awkward silence for a few moments, before Harry offered her his arm. “Well, shall we?”

 

Ginny smiled. “We shall.”

 

**H/G**

 

Harry and Ginny walked hand-in-hand down the main street of the village. Being Sunday, it was fairly quiet. Most people were attending services at the small local chapel. Ginny didn't pay attention to where they were headed. She was just happy to be with Harry. She was quite surprised to look up and see they were in a small bookstore. She looked to Harry for an explanation.

 

“I noticed you were almost done with your book. I thought you'd like another one,” Harry smiled sheepishly.

 

Ginny gasped. “Harry, you don't have to-”

 

Harry kissed her cheek without thinking. When he pulled back, his face was flushed. “I know I don't have to. But I want to.”

 

Ginny smiled. She could feel a blush creeping its way up her cheeks and could still feel Harry's lips on them. She murmured a 'thank you' before letting go of his hand and searching the stacks of books. After Ginny had found one that looked promising, she allowed Harry to lead her to the front counter. Once the book was paid for, they headed down the street.

 

There wasn't much to do in the village; it was very small and generally quiet, but Harry and Ginny were happy in each other's company. They had been strolling down the lane for five minutes before Ginny noticed they were being followed. A shudder went down her spine; this didn't go unnoticed by Harry. He wheeled around to see two boys around his age advancing on them. Harry gripped Ginny's hand tighter in his and pulled her down another lane. The two boys followed.

 

“What do we have here?” the taller boy called out.

 

Harry stopped walking and spun around. He pushed Ginny behind him protectively. Her heart raced in her chest as she gripped the back of Harry's shirt and buried her face in his back.

 

“Leave her alone,” Harry spoke sternly.

 

“Oh, tough guy, huh? What are you going to do?” The shorter boy smirked.

 

“You see, we get what we want. And what we want is the redhead.” The taller boy stepped closer. Ginny gripped his shirt tighter.

 

“I said leave her alone.” Harry could feel the magic building up his veins and he tried to force it down. The last thing Harry needed was to perform accidental magic.

 

“Are you going to stop us?” The taller one tried to get around Harry.

 

Ginny could only imagine the amount of magic radiating throughout Harry's entire body. She knew he was close to losing control. “Harry, please,” she whispered.

 

“If you knew what was good for you and your friend there, you'd leave,” Harry growled. A spark of magic threatened to escape.

 

“Let's just say we don't know what's good for us,” the shorter boy laughed.

 

That was all it took. Harry lost it. Both boys flew back against the opposite wall. A breeze that had nothing to do with the weather whipped around both Harry and Ginny. Ginny chanced a look around Harry and was shocked to see both boys immobilized.

 

“Harry, stop. Stop!” Ginny shook his arm. The moment she spoke, the breeze stopped. Both boys fell to the ground before quickly getting to their feet and running away.

 

Harry let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding before turning to face Ginny. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I just got so angry-”

 

Ginny put her hand over his mouth. “It's okay. I understand. You were just trying to protect me.”

 

Harry smiled down at her. They suddenly were very close; too close. Harry started to lean down towards her. _Oh sweet Merlin, Harry Potter is going to kiss me!_ Ginny thought happily. But to her disappointment, Harry pulled back and took a deep breath. Ginny's face fell, but brightened instantly at what he said next.

 

“Ginny, may I kiss you?” Harry whispered nervously.

 

Ginny nodded, unable to speak. Very slowly, Harry leaned back down towards her. It took what felt like hours for their lips to touch, but when they did, there were fireworks. Neither one of them moved. Their lips were glued together. In her mind the kiss lasted for days, weeks, months. When Harry finally did pull back, Ginny had to bite her tongue to keep from protesting.

 

“That was nice.” Harry smiled.

 

“Very nice,” Ginny whispered in agreement.

 

“Could we do it again sometime?” Harry asked.

 

Ginny nodded before smiling. “We could do it again now.”

 

Harry smiled as he leaned back down and captured her lips in his once more. This time, there was no shyness. Ginny wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him further into the kiss. His mouth moved over hers sensuously and Ginny wanted to savor the moment forever. Harry could feel a reaction building up inside of him and ended the kiss much too soon for both of them.

 

Harry took her hand in his and led her out onto the main street, heading back towards the Burrow. They walked in silence most of the way. Harry finally spoke once they reached the beginning of the drive. He stopped and turned her to face him.

 

“Ginny,” he whispered.

 

After a moment of silence, Ginny answered, “Yes, Harry?”

 

“Would you be my girlfriend?” Harry asked quickly.

 

Ginny pulled him down for another kiss. When they broke apart, they were both smiling widely.

 

“I thought you'd never ask.”


End file.
